Microscopic Seafarers Discovered at Puffer's Pond
The Times is happy to reveal an astonishing discovery: the existence of several boats worth of microscopic people who live in Puffers Pond. This diminutive community was right under the eyes of pond visitors for hundreds of years. They were discovered by the Times own naturalist Mini-P Petrinksi during an experiment testing a new method of reducing acidity. He noticed something strange in his water sample: a tiny sailing ship, disused. We now know he had pulled up an old sunken wreck. At less than one-hundredth of a millimeter per person, they survive by hunting multi-celled organisms. For fear of being crushed, and with little in the way of advanced technology, they spend most of their time on traditional sailing ships. Through the use of high power microphones, it is possible to discern some of what they sing as they work.
Oh I thought I heard the Old Man Say Leave Her Johnny, Leave Her Oh Tomorrow you will you get your pay And it’s time for us to leave her Leave her Johnny, leave her Oh leave her Johnny, leave her Oh the voyage is done and the winds don’t blow And it’s time for us to leave her
Leave Her Johnny, is a traditional sea shanty sung only at the end of a long voyage. The titular “her,” was the ship itself. With verses like “Oh the skipper was bad/ He’d blow you down with a spike and a curse,” and “The grub was bad an’ the wages low/ But now once more ashore we’ll go,”, Leave Her Johnny was a cathartic airing of grievances. To sing Leave Her, Johnny, at sea would be an aggressive message to the captain, even hinting at mutiny. How these microscopic fellows were introduced to traditional sea shanties is at this point unknown. The Times will cover these remarkable men and women as best as we can.
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