NASA "Oport2nity" Project Plagued by Unexplained Accidents
NASA confirmed Wednesday in a press conference that their project to create and launch another scientific research vehicle to Mars to replace the Opportunity rover has faced yet another setback. Lead astrophysicist Isobel Gallagher is recovering from her injuries in the ICU after stepping on a loose screw, which caused her to fall back onto a suspended wire, which caused the short-circuiting of a coffee machine, which caused the water in the pot to boil to 500C, which caused the pot to shatter violently, sending glass shards into her left arm and shoulder. This event happened following last week’s “ripe banana peel” incident that left 19 researchers in a coma.
“We assure the public that this is only a temporary setback,” said NASA spokesman George Santos Friday. ”The Opportunity rover has provided us with valuable information, but is now considered an inferior system using outdated technology. Our team could obtain a wealth of information with equipment developed in the years since the original Opportunity was built.” As Santos finished his sentence, a stage light dislodged above him and smashed the podium into splinters. The splinters hit Santos like shrapnel and nearly hospitalized him. “The completion of this project is critical,” he added, before prematurely concluding the press conference.
Despite popular demand, NASA has deemed the original rover unsalvageable. NASA expects the new rover, nicknamed “Oppor2nity” by the public, to be ready for launch by 2020. However, the organization faces a new challenge in finding staff. Many senior NASA employees have refused to work on the project on moral and religious grounds.
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