Not Enough Karma For Hands

Common Observer,
Surreal Times Reporter

The Background Facilitator has instituted various levels of karma-activated privileges and punishments, the most troublesome of which being the “not nice enough for hands” rule. People whose karma levels drop below a threshold now have their hands removed like *poof*. The rationale: Handlessness slows down “bad” people in their attempts at doing “bad” things. Having hands speeds up “good” people as they do more “good” things. Over time, ultimately more “good” will be created and less “bad” thanks to this chakral incentive.

Those affected by karmatic hand removal often panic, thinking that their hands are gone forever. But, don’t worry! All that a karmatically handless person must do to regain their hands is a number of good deeds.

However, some still complain that karma-activated anatomy rights create vicious cycles of bad karma. One handless fellow explained, “I made one mistake, and now that the Background Facilitator took my hands, I can’t do anything but mess more stuff up. When I tried to light my cigarette handlessly, I couldn’t help but drop the match, which then lit a building on fire. Then BF took away my nose, and, not being able to smell my own stench, I couldn’t help but stink up every place I went.”

For more articles by Common Observer, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email common.observer@surrealtimes.net.

POST A COMMENT

See Also

Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.