The Reality Supremacist Cohort has for many years influenced congress with their draconian beliefs. I am happy to announce that they’ve finally been outed for good and will no longer step foot in Washington.
A coalition of congresspeople has designated the Reality Supremacist Cohort as a terrorist organization and outed a number of senators as reality supremacists. This label bans members from federal property and from public office.
“We plan to appeal the designation,” said one reality supremacist. “We will not go down quietly, but our days with pitchforks and torches are past us. We will fight back through legislation. That said, the “Sane Assylums” that these dream lovers are promoting are completely insane and criminal. We will work to dismantle those as soon as possible.”
It came as a surprise to many when the Reality Supremacist senators were outed to the public. The violent group which promotes realist-extremist views is widely considered to have been dissolved in 2019 when the Peripheral Intelligence Agency, led by my father, raided their headquarters at the Gin Mill. PIA agents overloaded the supremacist leaders with imaginative content injected straight into their senses. Willy Wonka. The Twits. Psychedelic Trance Music. The works. The hard-nosed lovers of objectivity were mesmerized and softened into putty.
But, although the PIA did dismantle the Reality Supremacists that day, they failed to burn out the roots of the organization: its ideology, programmed to proliferate in the shadowy corners of the nation.
And so, while Reality Supremacists have been quiet, they have been in continuous operation. As opposed to their usual routine of planning attacks on LARPers and performers from dingy biker bars in small towns, they now act subtly, more intelligently. They seek political office. They lobby in congress. They use online advertisements to mold the minds of our youth. But it is all with the same goal: to flatten life, which is inherently colorful and multi-dimensional, into a single bland “objective” sliver of nothingness that we call “real”.
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