The Bigfeet Are Clearly KGB Spooks

John Short,
The Tinfoil Crusader

Many people believe the KGB disbanded when the Iron Curtain fell. Not so. The humans disbanded, yes, and became Russian state security. But the animal division didn’t. Hyper-intelligent parrots. Bloodthirsty secret sloths. And at the core of the KGB secret animals division: bigfeet.

Bigfeet stand seven to eight feet tall with enough muscle to rip a man in half. Initial efforts to train them in international espionage failed when the bigfeet refused to be shaved. Instead they were prepared as a “back-up plan,” kept in case of global nuclear war. The Soviet bigfeet would reclaim the barren, radioactive wasteland, too dangerous for humans, ushering in a new era of Russian dominance. But when the curtain fell, the bigfeet had nowhere to go. And somehow, they ended up in Amherst. What could the KGB be up to? And does this have something to do with recent reports of thoughts-broadcasters in Northampton? I will get to the bottom of. Tinfoil Crusader out.

For more articles by John Short, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email short.john@surrealtimes.net.

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