Thanks to a perfect storm of low yield and high demand, the fun is over early this year. Amherst declared itself officially out of flower produce for the season at the Biannual Meeting of Flower Towns yesterday.

No longer will the Pioneer Valley serve as an epicenter of romance in this state of apathy and secularism that we call Massachusetts. Not for at the very least six months yonder.

This announcement renders Ithaca NY the nearest location to Boston where a girl or a boy can find a good flower capable of reddening a cutie’s cheeks.

So, that’s it, massholes. Find a good horse and set course Northwestward —— or hunker down for the winter. Buy a kitten, perhaps.

Over and out;
Over and,
Over.

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