Why I Became A Lizard
Friends, the time has come to leave humanity behind, and be the lizards we were always truly meant to be! You want to be happy right? Of course you do, we all want to be happy. Well, I’m so excited to tell you that the answer has been in front of us the entire time! Cease your drab meaningless human activities at once, and join me, eating bugs and sunbathing on rocks like you’ve always wanted to!
I was like you once, dissatisfied with life, bored of the daily grind of waking up just to go to work, coming home exhausted, falling asleep, only to do it all over the next day. Well you don’t have to anymore! You could be scurrying across the desert right now,the only care left in your mind being evading snakes and other potential predators. Absolute freedom is yours!
Let me tell you how it’s done, and don’t worry it’s super simple! First you're gonna wanna start crawling on all fours real close to the ground. Oh, and make sure you’re not walking like a dog or that’s gonna really mess things up. Second, start eating entire fistfulls of bugs, I’m talking dozens at a time because when it comes to becoming a full on lizard it’s either go big or go home. Fair warning, your friends and family will definitely show concern and try to stop you - don’t let them! They're trapped in the human world, and you don’t have to be.
You got all that? Then congratulations, in a matter of only 5-6 years you’ll soon be hatching out of a soft-shelled egg reborn anew and ready to go out and seize the day as soon as the sun heats up your blood. You can thank me later, but don’t approach my territory as I might become threatened and try to bite you. That’s simply the lizard way, you’ll understand soon enough.
Comments
[Darcy @Mar.02 1:33am]: Fantastic!
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