Chimpanzee Joe Missing

Tom Johnson,
Sergeant, UMass PD

Members of the Surreal Times news team reported yesterday that Chimpanzee Joe, their well-known chimpanzee journalist, has been out of contact for a week or so. His editors sent multiple telegraphs his way, seeking out his latest newsletter, but received no response. They are worried because Chimp Joe is usually rather prompt.

Chimpanzee Joe was last scene enjoying coffee at Greeno Sub Shop scribbling in his notebook. His friends fear that mischievous students may have taken him in as a pet, thinking he was just a stupid monkey or something, but I assure you he is not.

Please keep your eyes and ears open for information regarding the whereabouts of Chimp Joe. He is a good fellow, although grumpy, and an important part of our community. He also owes me a cigar, but... I digress. He’s a good guy. I’m sure he is fine because he is rather smart, but we need to find him.

For more articles by Tom Johnson, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email tjohnson@surrealtimes.net.

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