Free TV Stand Stolen

As reported by the Dumb Banana

The Dumb Banana,
Dumb Banana

In a recent string of local crime that has been plaguing the local suburban streets of many local towns and cities of the local states, a local family has been savagely struck by the localized crime, having their TV Stand, left out on their front yard with an old piece of cardboard dressed in the hastily-scrawled word ‘Free’ taped to the front of the stand be brutally stolen in the dead of afternoon.

Man 1 of the household had this to say. “Well you see, I left this out about a week ago, and I had planned to bring out my television and recliner to kick back and watch the local game, but before I could bring the rest out I became preoccupied with fixing a rusty nail sticking out of a floorboard, and that led me to take my family on a week-long cruise at a local tropical island. By the time we got back, the ol’ thing was gone, along with my ‘Free’ sign that I use during protests. I forgot I had taped it back there for safekeeping. Woman 1 hasn’t stopped crying about this loss since we found it gone.”

Following up with Woman 1, she had this to say, “I didn’t even know we had a TV Stand, or a ‘Free’ sign. However, my mother who lived locally had just passed away and I can’t stop crying about it. I miss her so much.” After that, her tears ruined the recording equipment, so we have no further statements from her, although she did note that the funeral will be held locally.

After purchasing new equipment from the local electronics store, we had a chance to interview one of their neighbors, Character 3, who had recently acquired a TV Stand with a ‘Free’ sign on it. They had this to say, “I took the TV Stand.”

We here at The Surreal Times are still looking for the culprit to this horrible crime. Until more information is uncovered about the crime and the culprit, this has been the Dumb Banana. More to come soon, and keep on peeling.

For more articles by The Dumb Banana, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email dumb.banana@surrealtimes.net.

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