Gravity Preppers Wear Bricks On Their Feet
A community on Grenwald Drive in El Segundo, California fears that gravity is not fixed. Preparing for the time when it loses strength, these people drag heavy bricks around on their feet wherever they go. The tie cables from the top of their homes to nearby trees. They use all sorts of strategies to prepare for a future where the very thing that keeps us grounded can no longer be depended on.
Their neighbors aren’t happy about their preparations. “I’m sick of these people,” said Mrs. Buncawod, who lives on an adjacent street. “They put cement on literally everything to keep it from ‘floating away!’ It’s all ridiculous if you ask me. I used to walk my dog down Grenwald drive all the time. But now, I can’t stomach to see these people so I walk elsewhere.”
I wanted to see for myself. So I bought some super glue from Staples, walked to Grenwald drive, and glued the bottom of my shoes to the sidewalk of the cul de sac. It wasn’t long before a teenager noticed me and came outside to say "hello". They walked slowly out to me, dragging a heavy log from their right foot and wearing a burdensome vest.
“Who are you?” The teenager asked.
“I’m a journalist” I told him, ”I’m here hoping to ask you and your family a few questions about gravity.“
“Oh, you mean the dynamic force?”
“Yes——“
Just then, this child’s father, disheveled, barged out of the front door. A long rope dragged from his chest harness back into the house. He also carried the end of a different rope in his hand.
“Anthony!” The man yelled, “What are you doing outside without your tether? A shift is predicted any day now. You know that.” The father rushed to attach a tether to his son’s harness.
“But dad, I am wearing my log, see?”
“That’s not enough, son. The coming shift is a big one, as the scale has shown. I need you, son, we can’t have you floating off into the sun.”
“How big is the shift going to be?” Anthony asked.
“It’s hard to tell,” his dad said, “but it’s unprecedented. That’s why you need to wear your tether all the time. At least until the scale steadies. It’s annoying, I know, and I’m sorry, son, it’s because I love you.”
Once his son was safely tethered, the father turned to me. He noticed the bottle of super glue in my hand, and he saw my shoes stuck to the ground.
He asked me, “How long have you known?”
I told him that I wasn’t sure what to believe, but that I was playing it safe. I explained that I’ve heard of the Grenwald Gravity Preppers, and that I’d read their community postings. It seems plausible, I told him, but I wanted to learn more.
Mr. Mason, as I learned was his name, went on to explain to me that “the dynamic force” is not constant. It varies continuously, sometimes even going negative. We’ve been lucky to have experienced a stable era for the last few hundred years.
“But the proof of unstable gravitation does exist,” Mr. Mason said. “The dinosaurs were extinct by a gravity blip of -22 meters per second squared. The atmosphere expanded with negative gravity, then contracted, causing spontaneous combustion that killed nearly everything. Every major earthquake can also be correlated with a gravity shift. We’ve been lucky for a while, but another big one is coming, I promise you that. We need to get ready.”
I asked him how he knew all this.
And he explained that he has an “atomic scale, which measures the force of gravity to to order of 18 decimal points. Using this combined with a fast Fourier transform, we can find patterns in the gravity and make future predictions.”
At this point a number of other citizens of Grenwald drive had gathered round. People from various families, various backgrounds and ages.
“Ah, the glue method,” one commented. “You must be new to the know. We’ve got new technology now. Real infrastructure. We can help you get away from these scrappy unpleasant methods. We wish we could help the constant gravity believers, but we have to focus on ourselves first.”
They went on to show me their tether network, which allows them to travel around the cul de sac, switching from one tether to the next and never unleashing.
They showed me upwards-facing propellers on the roofs of their cars which, when spinning, keep the vehicles pressed against the ground even under negative gravity.
And, just as they were about to outfit me with a propeller hat to keep me safe during my travels, a siren went off. Over the loud speakers: “DYNAMIC FORCE SHIFT INCOMING. RETREAT TO DEEP ROOMS. DYNAMIC FORCE SHIFT INCOMING. RETREAT TO DEEP ROOMS IMMEDIATELY.”
The peoples tethers retracted, pulling them inside to safety. “You’re on your own, traveler,” one of the preppers said to me. “Tie those shoes tight! We’ll come back once stability returns.”
Once they went back inside, I was left alone with my shoes glued to the sidewalk. It was quiet and still as ever. I felt roughly as heavy as I usually do, but I waited a few minutes to be sure that felt steady. My legs were getting tired, and I couldn’t help but think that a world without gravity wouldn’t be so bad.
I dropped my super glue container on the ground, untied my shoes, and walked to downtown where I ordered a cheeseburger. To this day, I wonder what the Grenwald community thinks happened to me. If you’re reading this now, Mr. Mason, know that I’m doing alright.
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