Grieving in the Wake of An Idiot Alien's Deportation

Ron Gutterston,
Times Correspondent
Artist's depiction of these events by Aaron Friedman

It is hard to lose someone you love. It is harder to lose them a second time.

Charlie, a retired man of North Amherst, experienced just this when his beloved Dorf, a refugee from planet Nebulonis, was recently deported back to his home planet.

Dorf was a complete idiot, capable of nearly nothing on his own, but he was as joyous and pure-hearted as can be. On his home planet, he was hit by a bus, launched into outer space, and eventually crash-landed into Charlie’s front yard. He was badly injured and rendered more helpless than ever.

In a solemn time in Charlie’s middle age, the Amherst man took care of the alien in need. He fixed Dorf’s wounded tentacles. He corrected Dorf’s upside-down eyeball and helped him in other ways. He taught Dorf basic English in exchange for some basic Nebulonian language skills.

In the process, they developed a cherished friendship. Routinely they would take walks about puffer’s pond, drinking orange soda (Dorf’s favorite) and looking at the way the trees moved with the wind, making sounds back at the tree frogs who Dorf seemed able to communicate with, sticking their heads underwater to blubblubblub at the fish.

But, as Dorf grew self-aware of his situation on Earth, he left home to explore. He disappeared for many months. It worried Charlie sick. Then, just days after Dorf returned home by surprise, he had an altercation with The Mechanical Fellow which led to him being removed from our planet.

Charlie has been heartbroken ever since. He says that he has trouble going inside his own home, because Dorf’s misfit alien friends are staying in his home, and they remind him of Dorf. He says he often sleeps on the hammock.

“At the same time,” Charlie says, “they need me because they love Dorf and appreciate him for who he is and care for his struggle as much as I do.”

“They are so upset,” Charlie says, “and most refuse to leave the house because the sunshine reminds them of Dorf’s smile. They all are grieving differently. For example ”Todgomj, the Mercury Rodent, has liquified himself in Dorf’s old coffee mug, to remind himself of the energetic clown that Dorf was when caffeinated. Ooglebob, the Saturnian Fliptricker, hasn’t done a flip or a trick in weeks and is clearly depressed. The Cyclops, dare I recall, has sewn his eye shut. He says that this world is not worth seeing without Dorf in it.”

It is a sad scene at Charlie’s alien refugee house. As Spring approaches, I had hoped to see Dorf and his friends drinking their orange soda and playing frisgolf in (or above) the water at Puffer’s Pond. But Dorf is gone now and none of the others have any interest in leaving the house. Not ever for a good ‘ol 4-liter.

For more articles by Ron Gutterston, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email gutterston.ron@surrealtimes.net.

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