Lobster Whisperer Teaches Sonar Spoofing, Saves Crustations

Dernberger Spengleton,
Tender to the Grand Conveyor
[Artist's depiction by Flynn Bryan]

A lovely lady, Agatha, spends her weekends crawling the sea floors on the backs of her hard-shelled friends, exploring the deep blue and doing what she can to protect some of the wisest, most ancient creatures on Earth.

In particular, what Agatha does is ride atop lobsters’ backs and sing songs — songs that sound like simple beeps and bops, but songs that are sonar disruptions in disguise, which confuse commercial fishing boat sonar systems and lead them away, thereby saving the crustations from predatory fishing boats.

“I also teach the lobsters how to sing and drum,” Agatha says. “I feed them Cheerios when they follow my rhythms, so that they can learn from me and from each other.”

It’s a slow process, but Agatha hopes that once a critical mass of lobster’s learn to jam sonar, fishermen might give up and these sacred ancient creatures can finally live in peace.

She explained, “Although Lobsters don’t have brains, they do have a very similar nervous system to humans. They are social creatures that we have much in common with. We need to help them.”

For more articles by Dernberger Spengleton, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email spengleton@surrealtimes.net.

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