Man Convicted Of Crime Against Humanity
In preparation for an early morning, local man Craigory Johnson revealed himself to be a danger to society. Rather than set an alarm for 7:00 A.M., Johnson, who went to bed at 11:00 P.M., opted to set a timer for 480 minutes. When he woke up the next morning, he was already in handcuffs. “We cannot risk the safety of our citizens by allowing this menace to walk the streets of Los Angeles,” said District Attorney George Gascón. “Such psychopathic behavior is reserved for Orange County.” During an expedited court hearing, Johnson pleaded insanity, but his plea was rejected. In a statement, the judge declared, “The monster knew exactly what he was doing.” Now, Johnson faces life in prison — a timer that will never end. “At least I won’t have to wake myself up anymore,” he remarked, moments before breaking down into tears at the thought of his meaningless future.
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