On Underground Electricity Canals
Novelty lecture 1
Preface: As stated in our manifesto, we, The Noveltiests, of The Novelty Society, dedicate ourselves to fighting entropy and creating arrangements and occurrences. It is our hope that someone above — a God, a super-intelligent alien, or perhaps a higher-dimensional being of some kind — will take notice of our novelty acts and contact us.
To potential future members of our novelty society: we hereby initiate a series of educational installments on novelty in the natural and ancient world.
This first installment concerns “underground electricity canals”.
I was first made aware of Underground Electricity Canals (UECs) by my prior landlord, Eddie Octo, who is a master of surreality engineering. He explained to me that UECs are allegedly the basis of a vast network of conductivity differential tubes within our earth which allow electricity to flow between novel locations on the surface. There are paths connecting Stonehenge, Mecca, Jerusalem, Rome, Niagara Falls, and many more places. As new novel locations form, the underground electricity canal network grows to accommodate them. The network itself is incredibly novel.
Eddie Octo does not entirely believe the theory. However, it is clearly true for multiple reasons.
1. For one, these novel locations have been shown to have light speed communication between them. For example, when one experience entropy, the others do automatically as well. This is because the UEC network constantly strives for equilibrium between novel locations. Only when one location’s entropy levels grow dangerously large, is entropy consolidated into said location before it is cut off from the network. The only possible explanation for this is that novel locations of the world are connected via electrical paths.
2. Secondly, it has been shown that standing in novel locations can cause extreme liveliness, religiosity, and creativity. However, sleeping in these locations can cause sickness and concerns for one’s sanity. This supports the idea that there is something unique about the electromagnetic field in the area of novel locations.
3. Thirdly and finally, the novel locations of the world have been shown to be positioned in accordance with the intersection points of the Platonic solids overlaid upon the globe. The Platonic solids, the most novel of shapes, having something to do with the locations of novel places in general, is powerful evidence of something highly novel going on under our Earth’s crust.
It is not known whether the underground electricity canal network was formed naturally or whether it was engineered. But, regardless, knowledge of its existence is incredibly valuable to us. Using knowledge of the Platonic solid overlay map, we can now predict where future novel locations will sprout. We can also communicate with other branches of our society instantaneously by sending data to all novel locations of the world instantly with augmented radio transmitters at pinnacle novelty locations. And, thanks to knowledge of the effects of UECs on humans, we can harness creativity sourced from underground, by standing in novel locations while wearing metal helmets.
There is much more to learn about the UEC network. By sharing this foundation of knowledge, we, The Noveltiests, hope to inspire curiosity, hope, and novelty among the general public.
Signed lovingly, ~ Theodore Munnely
As always, stay symmetric! Fight entropy!
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