Peripheral Intelligence Agency Opens A New Office In NYC

Spurts of novelty in NYC

January 9, 2019 Clarence Mon,
Director of the PIA

New York, NY — I recently traveled to New York with my son to help jumpstart the PIA’s (Peripheral Intelligence Agency’s) NYC outpost. I hoped to help with logistics and prepare my son, Carl, for heading up the new branch. In the process, I had my first substantial exposure to the big city.

Reflecting on my time here, I’d like to share some thoughts on what I see to be the nature of this place.

If you could, for me, think of some unique or non-unique thing. This thing can be a thing of mostly any sort. Perhaps it’s a physical item. Perhaps it’s a social phenomenon. Or perhaps it’s a consumable service, a viewable collection, or even a perceivable vibration. Maybe a fleeting mental arrangement.

I can say a few things about your thing without knowing what exactly it is.

First, I can say that it is perceivable enough to be recognized by at least one person for at least one instant.

Secondly, I can say that it is compatible enough with human memory and language for you to remember it and convey it to me, unless you happened to fabricate something on the fly, which I suppose is possible.

Thirdly, if (R.I.P.) Alfred Humbleton’s theories are correct, then the idea of your thing must be within the current width of the Realm of Ideas.

Finally, I can say that, whatever your thing is, there’s probably some of it in the grand melting pot that is New York City. Because, here in New York City, there seems to be at least one of everything.

f your thing was a Ivolunteer zoo, in which humans and other creatures sign contracts willingly committing years of themselves to a primitive viewing cage— then your thing is in New York.

If your thing was a man barricaded in a 25th floor high end hotel room, funneling intelligence-boosting water through a hose, 250 feet down to the masses — then your thing is in New York.

And, if your thing was an army of yoga ball bottomed disease fighters, bouncing around, determined to eradicate disease-spreading rodents — then your thing is in New York.