Paparazzi Have A Foot Fetish

Common Observer,
Times Correspondent

This particular five-eyed, foot-faced resident of El Segundo, California has garnered a lot of attention as of late. Wherever he goes, paparazzi shove cameras and microphones in his foot (face). They ask him what it’s like to have escaped the shoe after all these years. “A true rags to riches story!” some say, praising his growth and success.

But people also criticize him for long toenails and having breath that smells like a foot (big surprise). They don’t know that his size twelve hundred toenails are actually his hairstyle. It is the only way he can express himself, and he cares about it very much. And they don’t know that his breath smells like a shoe because, in the wintertime, he wears a giant shoe for a jacket. Regular jackets don’t fit.

Despite the narrative the media is trying to impose about him, this foot-shaped fellow, Frank, is his own man and has never been someone else’s foot. And he has never been forced into a shoe that he himself didn’t choose.

The paparazzi swarms this guy, asking a bazillion loaded questions. And, when he doesn’t answer, they call him a weirdo and a creep.

He just wants to live his life. He says he is writing a book, and everyone can read it someday, so no need to pester him now.

For more articles by Common Observer, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email common.observer@surrealtimes.net.

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