Professor Ramirez Reemerges

Some would say that Professor Juan Ramirez is disgraced. Some would say, myself included, that he is a hero who made one mistake. A former University of Dortmund lecturer and researcher, many of the modern advances in Surreal Engineering and Surreal Warping can be traced directly back to his work. Probing the depths of the pineal gland, the professor performed the first successful surreal warp in 2010. Ever the pathfinder, the professor also documented the existence of the Hyper-Mundane plane, which he called the “Below Plane.” His discovery was widely maligned by the scientific community. The Professor immediately began amassing evidence for the existence of the Below Plane. Following all proper ethical and safety precautions, he began exposing groups of mice and then chimpanzees to “Below Energy.” The results were safe, and so the Professor moved on to humans. Tragedy struck. His very first test subject, a 25 year old Dortmund grad students, was nearly permanently blinded upon contact with Below Energy. The Professor had incorrectly read his medical information and overlooked his nearsightedness. Only through the years long efforts of skilled surgeons and doctors was his vision restored. His reputation in shambles, the Professor bowed out of public life. Until now.

Reporters were surprised to find that Professor Ramirez reached out to the Surreal Five. Supposedly, according to a source the Times cannot disclose, the Professor discussed several different frequencies, including the Seven-Second Frequency, which cures H-33 poisoning, and the Thirteen-Second Frequency, which makes the poisoning permanent. We will document this history as it unfolds.

For more articles by Peter “Mini-P” Petrinski, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email


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