Reality Supremacists Go Violent
A group of angry, self-described “reality saviors” have grown to a critical mass and gone violent. This past Tuesday, nine adult saviors approached a group of college-aged LARPers who were reenacting a zombie apocalypse adjacent to the UMass campus pond. The leader of the reality saviors, dressed in overalls and carrying a lightning rod, clotheslined a teenage male as he was running from a herd of zombies.
Holding the boy down, he yelled, “Welcome back to reality, kid," spitting saliva in the boy’s face. "Now, which one of these zombie poser idiots is your leader?”
“What the heck,” the kid whined, “we were just playing a game???”
“Shut up, kid,” said the savior. “You don’t know what you’re saying. We’re trying to help you. We’re trying to keep you real.”
At this point, the other LARPers had gathered round. The Reality saviors confiscated their plastic swords and juice box potions. The LARPers complained, but all saviors except for the leader wore earplugs to tune out the noise.
The head zombie stepped forward. “What’s going on here? Who are you guys?” He was older than the others, maybe 22 years old, tall and lanky with grotesque make-up that gave the impression that his face was rotting off. He was clearly the organizer of the LARP.
The head savior snaps his fingers to signal his left-hand man to splash a bucket of water on the head zombie’s face. Most of his make-up washed off...
“We’ll spare your victims this time, daydreamer, because they are young and impressionable.” As he said this, he let the younger boy go. “But you, daydreamer, you are done for. By our powers as the saviors of reality, we hereby convict you of class-B consciousness fragmentation. As punishment for your crimes against reality, you will be working in the freezer of a butchery for the next 3 years. How’s that for a dose of reality.”
The Reality Savior pointed his lightning rod at the tall zombie who now was exposed as the human he really was. The saviors pummeled him and carried him off. Along with him, they took the LARPing equipment and told the kids they had been lied to and manipulated by the “daydreamer”. They left behind one savior to ensure that no LARPs would be re-initiated.
UMass campus police refuse to address the incident. We at the PIA wonder if this reality supremacy cohort might be somehow symbiotic with the central governing bodies.
We are continuing to investigate, but the students involved in the incident are confused about who the good and bad guys are, and are thus hesitant to give more information on either party.
Anyways, as always, Peripherally go the winds of progress…
POST A COMMENT
See Also
Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.