Top 10 Lines To Guarantee Getting A Third Date

Big Mama Terrible,
Citizen of The World

Being single is tough, when you’ve had 40 years of back alley dog pound affairs or read about ones like mine in a highlights magazine, you know how to keep em' coming. Hear a' Big Mama Terrible's 10 Titillating one liners to get you to tier 15.

1. "The only thing that could make you more beautiful, is if your body was filled with sand."

2. "I already have a song picked out for your funeral."

3. "How big is your hole? Cause the heat's coming down on me and I got a couple things I don't want found."

4. "We sent 65 unguided mail balloons and only two were lost. Two."

5. "I don't think I ever really sleep."

6. My dad used to take me to it. It's this fancy restaurant called 'Under The Bridge.' They got crabs."

7. "Sometimes I lay down on the floor until I have to close my eyes. Then I get all blurry eyed and pretend that I just woke up from a coma and I don't remember who I am or am in some sort of apocalypse and can only get up slowly."

8. "I don’t get why you just can't let your suicidal friend take out the loan."

8 1/2. "Sometimes I'd want to kill you. And then of course wanted the earth until I can find a way to resurrect you."

9. "Quit that shit. The zoo is not a place for personal growth."

10. "I'd like to get you on a slow boat to China. All to myself, alone."

That's that, happy humping and grumping folks.

For more articles by Big Mama Terrible, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email bigmama@surrealtimes.net.

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