Dear Jupiter: Should I Build Robot Lips To Please My Girlfriend?

Jupiter,
Advice Columnist

Dear Jupiter,

I’m a grad student studying robotics engineering. My girlfriend lives in New Hampshire and is quarantining due to COVID. She says that she can’t handle the long distance relationship without any physical contact. She told me she’s going to break up with me if I can’t make a pair of robotic kissing machines that will let us kiss each other’s lips remotely. I think it’s possible I could build such a thing, but I hate the idea of kissing a robot. I also hate lips. I think lips are gross and I’ve been wanting to remove mine for years. What do I do? Do I go against my principles and build this machine, or, do I lose my girlfriend for good?

Sincerely, Tommy

P.S. Should I get my lips removed?

Dear Tommy,

Long-distance relationships are always complicated. Phone calls, letters and Zoom chats unfortunately don’t create the same affection and emotional intimacy you shared with your loved one physically. How do you remain committed and faithful to someone who isn’t around? Some of my previous clients have attempted to mail themselves to their significant others, or created clones of them through extracted DNA. These ideas were often improbable, scientifically impossible and in some cases, highly unethical.

Consider this a test for your relationship. How far are the two of you willing to go to keep your love alive? Both you and your girlfriend are each making sacrifices in this scenario, and you both need to be mindful of each other’s needs. If you really love this girl, then you should really consider making the robot lip-machine. However, if she wants you to do something you feel strongly uncomfortable with, you need to communicate that to her. It’s time to have a serious talk with your girlfriend about your futures. Will the robot lip-machine help your relationship or only complicate it further?

As for getting your lips removed, I would highly recommend talking with your doctor about that. I am an abstract concept with no physical body, so I have little insight on human anatomy. If you were to remove your lips, would your mouth just become a set of teeth, or would you have no mouth entirely? Consider these questions before making a swift decision you end up regretting.

Now is the time for you to really evaluate your future with your girlfriend, and figure out what would make both of you happy.

Sincerely,

Jupiter

For more articles by Jupiter, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email jupiter@surrealtimes.net.

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