A New Kind Of Hiccup

The hiccup virus has mutated into a more terrible specimen. When infected by this new variant, one experiences diaphramic contortions powerful enough to break ribs. There is a cure, fortunately, but it’s not entirely ethical. The only way to cure these hiccups, is to scare someone else.

This is the key difference between old hiccups and new hiccups: being startled does not help. Hanging upside-down or holding your breath does not help. The only way to cure yourself, is to get someone else to do one of these things in your presence, and thereby transfer your hiccups to them.

And so now the streets now echo with muffled gulping sound coming from alleyways as hiccupers attempt to hide their sounds and sneak up on somebody. Hiccuppers are chasing people around corners, scaring the crap out of people, and then running away after getting rid of their disease. It is a decrepit game of tag, and the numbers of infected are multiplying as hiccuppers accidentally scare multiple people at once, thereby transferring their disease to multiple people.

Hospitals are running low on capacity as the population has not yet developed herd immunity to the new hiccups. Nurses have begun to triage patients. And, unfortunately, there is no improvement in sight. Doctors often refuse to see desperate hiccuppers for fear that the they will try to transfer their burden to the the hospital staff. Vaccine development has been impossible, as no hiccuppers have been willing to keep their disease for long enough to be studied.

We need ideas to solve this new health crisis. Please do send in your thoughts. And, in the meantime, be aware of your periphery. The best way to never be startled, is to always be aware.

Onward, into the periphery, go the winds of progress…

Carl Mon, signing out.

For more articles by Carl Mon, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email mon.carl@surrealtimes.net.


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