Alien Farmers Market in my Backyard

I’ve been very sad recently after my best friend, Dorf, was sent back to his home planet. I don’t even like calling it his home planet, because my house here on Earth is his home to me. But, he is on Nebulonis now and there is nothing I can do about it. He is weaving in and out between warp-speed nebulo-buses. He is eating thick plasma noodles (his favorite!) and hopefully enjoying himself.

I’m best focusing on other things. And, luckily, amazing things have been happening left and right. Most notably, there is a farmer’s market in my backyard, operated by my and Dorf’s best friends on Earth, and kick-started by a certain someone who is growing notorious in our town: Chimpanzee Joe.

In the aftermath of Chimp Joe and The Mechanical Fellow’s amazing triumph over the evil noise moths, Chimpanzee Joe spent quite a lot of time at my house, living with me and all of Dorf’s alien refugee friends. They cared for him when he was still high on noise moths, and they’ve helped him stay clean. In exchange for their help with his addiction, he has helped them put their talents to use.

Joe & Friends Market is now legally incorporated, insured, and operating out of my backyard adjacent to Puffer’s pond. The market has incredible food and plants you can’t find anywhere on earth. Chimp Joe does the accounting and business strategy, while Dorf’s alien friends harness their knowledge of intergalactic farming and cooking. Together they make an incredible team.

They have Garneccian Hobblesquash. They have Tromtiempolian time trinket pizza. They have a sauce so spicy that it’ll turn your pupils orange and make you give birth the next day.

All in all, they have an amazing selection of strange but delicious and nutritious crops and recipes. I am absolutely completely impressed by what they have done. I also haven’t had Earth food in weeks and am feeling healthier and more quick-witted than ever.

I think Dorf would be proud to see what his once-troubled friends have made of themselves on Earth. I wish he were here to see it, I sure do. I keep a 2-liter bottle of orange soda in the fridge so that he can have it when he returns, if he ever does. I told everyone to never dare drink it, no matter how thirsty they are. Chimp Joe, that honorable chimp, told me he would make sure the cap stays sealed as long as needed.

For more articles by Charlie Tomquat, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email


[vivianvandervoort@Jun.17 1:13pm]: I attended this market and thought that the selection was unprecedented! Though not gluten-free, and I was highly unaware

[vivianvandervoort@Jun.17 1:13pm]: of what I would be allergic to, I thouroughly enjoyed myself-- despite entering a short comotose.


See Also

Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.