Ant Coordinator Is Criminal, Police Do Nothing

Carl Mon,
Interim Head of PIA

We believe the now-dethroned Ant Coordinator is conducting illegal attacks against his political opponents, and that his attacks include the hotdogging of my father and predecessor, Clarence Mon.

Why would the Ant Coordinator do this? Why would such a friendly person, whose only job was to make fancy sculptures out of ants, try to kill my father?

In short, the answer is that my father helped the ants develop autonomy.

My father believed in the value of the peripheral. He opposed centralizing forces that suffocate the fringes of society. On this principle, he helped the ants develop healthcare systems, schools, and decentralized food distribution networks. My father helped the ants determine their own future. Indirectly, he led to the Ant Coordinator’s loss of power.

And so, the Ant Coordinator stuffed hotdogs in the pockets of people like my father, in hopes that the very creatures my father helped empower might inadvertently devour their empowerer.

We sent the details of our investigation to UMass and Amherst PD, but both departments have shunned us. They tell us that we are off the mark and that, if we bother the ex Ant Coordinator, we may be subject to legal consequences.

The continued negligence of the central police is posing a serious threat to the periphery.

But, as always, Peripherally go the winds of progress

For more articles by Carl Mon, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email mon.carl@surrealtimes.net.

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