Ants Construct Germ Lab With Stolen Viruses

Carl Mon,
Interim Head of PIA

A high-security pathogen lab was robbed earlier this month. Security guards report not noticing anything out of place until hours after the heist. “We had already been dealing with fruit fly problems,” said one of the guards, “so it wasn’t surprising when some ants were spotted in S Wing.”

At shift change, incoming night hours employees performed routine inventory checks. They found their contagion reserves severely depleted. “A thousand deadly doses of Anthrax was missing,” a guard explained, “but there were zero signs of breaking and entering.”

Footage revealed assembly lines of ants passing along small contagion-soaked blotters. They transported these under vault doors, around corners, and eventually into a rusted crevice in the entrance into S Wing. Along the way, many ants would get die and be replaced in stride.

With the recent fall of the Ant Coordinator, the increasingly competent ant republic is weaponizing deadly substances in order to gain leverage in a world dominated by bipeds.

For more articles by Carl Mon, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email mon.carl@surrealtimes.net.

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