Can Bone Removal Prevent The Spread Of Covid?

Common Observer,
Times Correspondent
[Artist's depiction of these events by Sawyer Philips]

Saint Kardashian’s hospital recently announced a groundbreaking treatment for arthritis and other chronic pain: Complete Bone Removal. The surgery has been a huge hit, but not for the reasons doctors expected.

A surprise in the parenting world, people have begun giving bone removal treatment to their kids in order to prevent them from spreading germs. They’ve given Bone Removal Therapy to elderly persons as well, in order to keep them at home and safe.

“It’s perfect,” said one mother, “Now that my son just lays blob-like in his bed all day, there’s no way he could get sick. We also don’t need to worry about broken bones anymore either, which used to be a frequent issue for him, he loved diving in empty pools.”

It’s not just individuals. Institutions are catching on too. For instance, some universities have required students to remove their bones before moving into on-campus housing. Rumors suggest also that representatives in the Florida legislature are considering requiring all citizens to remove their bones for the duration of the pandemic, but this is only speculation thus far.

While t treatment has been wildly successful, there has been a fair bit of criticism. Some call Bone Removal Therapy “short-sighted” and “tyrannical”. Yet more and more people are paying doctors to remove their skeletons.

What do you think about all this? Email us your thoughts at common.observer@surrealtimes.net

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