Community Classifieds

The Editors,
Times Staff

YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME: Let me know and I'll never get close to you. I promise you'll never even Know I'm not there.

WANTED: Mind Reader who Is Good At Fighting

FOR SALE: My Left Nostril

TRADE WANTED: Assorted Baby Doll Parts in exchange for cuddles

WANTED: VHS tape of the 1997 Foosball world championship

WANTED: More lengthy small intestine. Needed for daily use.

WANTED: Fred or Olive

NEEDED: A baggie of monkey teeth, unflossed, and forty pounds of Big Chew BubbleGum

FOR RENT: Cozy bungalow in my armpit. $2,250 a month, No Smoking Please!

WANTED: Spray On Insect Attractant

WANTED: Altercation with my neighbor. Not fatal, but serious enough to rile me up.

HIRING: Four of each of the colors of the rainbow. Each must bring its own tools and duct tape.

DOES ANYONE HAVE: A cello I can borrow? I want to try it but it's really expensive and I haven't gotten my monthly sustenance check.

FOR SALE: 1997 Foosball World Champions

FOR SALE: Single Hair from Frank Zappa’s Mustache

FEED MY SPIDER M&M’S: I go out daily to toss raspberries to the local school children, I'm gone from dawn till dusk, and I need someone to come to my house and feed my spider, Larry, her M&M's, she is very quiet and never moves or lies to me, but she LOVES her M&M's! Call 781-913-5092

For more articles by The Editors, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email classifieds@surrealtimes.net.

POST A COMMENT

See Also

Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.