Congress Passes Reality Relief Bill

Common Observer,
Times Correspondent

WASHINGTON, DC — After months of deliberation, congresspeople have finally given the thumbs up to the the Reality Relief Bill, which aims to give people the help they need to cope with and ultimately escape these times of excessive reality. A proponent of the bill stated, “Finally, the people can rest assured that a more colorful future is on its way.”

This is a two-part program.

Starting in February, Sane Assylums across the country will receive funding to help those trapped in reality tear loose the heavy chains of objectivity. Going further, outreach programs will attempt to find undiagnosed cases of excessive reality, of which there are thought to be many many. The Pro-Dimensional Task Force will do what they can to find those in need and provide them with transportation to Sane Assylums nearby. And, for those who for some reason cannot attend a Sane Assylum, mobile hypnotist squadrons will be deployed.

Beginning in March, once treatment has begun for all cases of excessive reality, three parts per million of LSD will be filtered into the United States Water Supply. This is a part of the maintenance phase, giving open minded and colorful people what they need to stay that way.

Some opposition to this bill existed in the Senate. Some critics suggested that, although reality is a problem, open-mindedness is not in the governments jurisdiction. Others went so far as to suggest that reality is indeed the ideal plane of existence.

After recent election turnover, however, the Reality Relief bill passed easily.

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