Cryptid Caught: "Belmontian Gurp" Apprehended in Amherst Sewers

Sax Tuba,
Surreal Times Reporter

For those unfamiliar with the current situation, a cryptid known as the Belmontian Gurp has been responsible for the disappearances of many individuals walking through the streets of Amherst at night.

After weeks of searching, The Real Pharmacists Cryptid Division has found the source of the disappearances. A Real Pharmacist employee who goes by “Chuck Stylish,” a disheveled eccentric man in his 40’s,agreed to share some details regarding how they managed to detain the elusive creature.

“The most hardest part of the process was actually finding the little bugger,” started Mr. Stylish. “As is standard procedure for most cryptids, I set up about 5,000 hidden cameras across the Downtown Amherst area. Before I even knew it, cameras 49 through 104 had all been able to find the Gurp in the sewer system with a nest and the previous victims.” The surveillance team managed to pinpoint the location when the cryptid was bringing back a new victim, and the Pharmacists began their pursuit accordingly.

“The trick to catching one of these things is to be as aggressive as possible.” Stylish continues, “Even if our guys have masks on to protect from the pheromones, the Gurp moves like a frog but is fleshy and of similar strength to a human (although this one seemed exceptionally tough), so they aren’t to be taken lightly.” He went on to explain how a team of six operatives managed to tackle and detain the creature after 45 minutes of chasing it around the nesting area. The Gurp was forced into a “Cryptid Containment Crate,” a cramped box where the creatures pheromones would be useless.

Mr. Stylish mentioned how the Gurp would be unable to harm any more of the residents of Amherst and that its mysterious pheromones would be put under heavy examination in hopes of finding some beneficial use for them. Stylish also briefly mentioned that all the survivors were alive and well, just sedated. “You wouldn’t believe the reason this thing actually kidnaps people,” Stylish went on, “apparently the Gurp would sedate victims and eat all the money in their possession; cash, change, even credit cards!” He theorized that the reason the cryptid did not release the victims was because it was under the assumption that the money was an extension of the person and at some point it would grow back.

Readers will be glad to know that the streets of Amherst are now (allegedly) cryptid-free, and chances of being kidnapped and taken to the sewers have been reduced by at least 25%.

For more articles by Sax Tuba, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email saxtuba@surrealtimes.net.

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