Drink Helium For Social Distancing

Craig Burroughs,
Mechanic

Is 6 feet not enough to make you feel safe? Want to move further away from others in public, but don’t have enough room to spread out?

There’s a simple answer: go up!

My wife and I run a mechanic shop in Burbank CA. Using our helium tanks and a custom nozzle, we can provide you the lift you need to float up against the ceilings of grocery stores, markets, and other public places you need to go during the pandemic. We’ll provide you with the precise amount of helium needed to give you the buoyancy you need (and no extra!).

In addition, we have portable small helium cartridges available, which you may drink at any time as needed. This way, if people in a line or crowd are getting to close, you can choose to float up into safety at any time you feel it is necessary.

With a gentle puff of flatulence, you can lower yourself back down to the floor.

My wife and I are experienced in the helium industry, having pioneered the Hollywood Helium Diet last year. We have many celebrity references including Paris Hilton and would be happy to forward you their information for vetting.

Call Craig’s Helium at 978-333-3656 for more information or to register for an appointment!

For more articles by Craig Burroughs, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email craig@surrealtimes.net.

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