What is CNED?
Compound Neuronal Exposure Disease (CNED) occurs when overly fast-paced learning, a.k.a. neuronal growth, out-paces the maximum speed of skull growth. During learning, neurons and axons grow and elongate. In extreme circumstances, this growth of brain matter can cause protrusions from the skull. Neurons, so eager to make new connections, inadvertently meander through the skull surface and form bonds with the pores on the patients skin.
A direct tunnel forms from the outside of ones skull, through the skin, and into their brain's neuron networks. This allows simple changes in lighting, humidity, and even sound levels to directly interfere with brain processes.
CNED has been seen in multiple cases of professional education (when older individuals return to college for further education). Doctors theorize that such speedy learning that occurs during college can be dangerous for older individuals whose skeletal growth has slowed and can no longer support growth of brain matter.
How do I know if I have CNED?
The best way to self-diagnose is the light stimulation test. Do a math problem and ask a friend or family member to flicker the lights while you are in work. Does the change in lighting cause sudden changes in thoughts or differences in mental state? If so, your brain may be exposed to the outside world and it is recommended that you consult a medical professional.
What do I do if I get CNED?
We recommend avoiding over-stimulating sensory experience for starters. A full solution for CNED has not yet been approved by the FDA, so your best bet is to keep light, noise, and touch away from your externally-exposed neurons until cure comes about. It can be helpful to keep track of where your sensitive spots are and draw circles around them to remind yourself -- but don't go too close, or else you'll get ink in your brain! Another helpful strategy is to place stickers over the exposed neurons in order to shield them from the outside world. But careful pulling them off!
Unfortunately, regardless of what mitigation strategies you take, a life with CNED is a very unpleasant one. "It's so frustrating to no have control of your thoughts," one patient said, "cabbage rotten road airplane Jesus."
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