Elites Hoard Hair Anywhere Spray

Whaler S. Fishpole,
Freelance Journalist

I have reason to believe that the recent “hair salad” culinary trend is a tip of a larger iceberg conspiracy -- an iceberg with the potential to feed the world’s entire population 10 times over. My sources tell me the wealthy elite are using “Hair Anywhere Spray” [1] to synthesize large quantities of highly-nutritious hair-based biomass. The process is incredibly cheap. And, when prepared properly, “hair salads” are a nutritious meal.

The problem is that the elite are hoarding all Hair Anywhere Spray and its formula. Last year, they paid criminals to commit violence and vandalism with Hair Anywhere Spray. That, combined with some hefty lobbying, got Hair Anywhere Spray banned across the Pioneer Valley. Now the people are stuck buying this world-changing food from sponsored restaurants only. Those who cannot pay, cannot eat.

People die from curable diseases every day. Of those still alive, many sleep on the streets, vulnerable to the elements and other horrible things, even though countless spare bedrooms and “vacation homes” sit empty on any given day. And they are hungry! We live in an age of abundance. Yet, billions of people cannot eat.

The oligarchs capture what people need most and use it as leverage to increase their power. They’re doing it again now, on a larger scale than ever, and UMass PD is complicit. Someone needs to do something.

[1] Hair Anywhere Spray is a powerful serum capable of producing thick, rapidly growing hair on nearly any surface. https://surrealtimes.net/article/hair-anywhere-spray-banned-across-the-pioneer-valley--2018-12-27

For more articles by Whaler S. Fishpole, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email fishpole.whaler@surrealtimes.net.

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