Serum to Counter Hair Anywhere Spray

Distribution Teams Mobilized

Tom Johnson,
Sergeant, UMass PD

By complete surprise, a cure for Hair Anywhere Hair has emerged out of the Stockbridge School of Agriculture. It was synthesized in collaboration with Amherst Barbershop. Some individuals at the town committee advocated for comprehensive testing before use. But, in desperation, the board of Amherst opted to kick-start the mass production and distribution this hair-killing spray immediately.

Fire trucks have been repurposed to dispense this spray all around town, in order to kill the hair engulfing people’s homes and cars and the town’s roadways.

Leaders hope the crippled town will regain normal function in the coming weeks.

Please remain inside during scheduled spraying times (which can be found on the town website).

For more articles by Tom Johnson, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email tjohnson@surrealtimes.net.

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