Landscaping Companies On Call For Hair Anywhere Spray Emergencies

Tom Johnson,
Sergeant, UMass PD

This is a public service announcement. Local landscaping companies are now on call for Hair Anywhere Spray emergencies. If you become trapped or injured because of vigorous hair growth caused by Hair Anywhere Spray, or if your property has been damaged because of Hair Anywhere Spray, please call one of the following numbers for assistance:


911-HAIR-REM — Emergency hotline to Johnny’s Landscaping. Available 24 hours a day, 6 days a week.


911-PIT-TRAP — Emergency hotline to Timberwolf Logging Amherst. Available 8 hours a day, 7 days a week.


And, if you are not in immediate danger, but still wish to fight off the overgrowths of hair in your lives, call this non-emergency number


978-333-3656 — Local student landscaping business. Ask for Frank. Available only during select hours.

These companies have subsidization arrangements with the town of Amherst, so that nobody regardless of economic status will need to fight encroaching hair alone.

For more articles by Tom Johnson, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email tjohnson@surrealtimes.net.

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