Metal Tree Erected Atop Mountain

Clarence Mon,
Head of Peripheral Intelligence Agency
Artist's depiction by Zotov.

Two beautiful oaks once stood tall and full atop Mount Pollux. They overlooked Amherst with a wonderful view of the Du Bois library, which resembles a giant obelisk pointing to the heavens. The shade beneath the trees acted as a haven for people picnicking, smoking, and relaxing.

One of the oaks was unfortunately struck by lightning two years ago. It died as a result. Ever since, there has been just one tree, and beside it, one stump four feet in diameter.

Recently visitors have been leaving mementos on this stump to commemorate what it once was. One such memento was a lego pyramid. Another was a wooden model of the international space station. Another was a birds-eye view photo of a corn maze.

A group of three students from UMass Amherst recently replaced these momentos with a large metal structure resembling the original tree, but doubly tall. The structure dwarfs the other tree and is visible from across town. It is probably 65 feet tall, thousands of pounds, and supported by a 6-inch-thick steel spike sunk deep through the original stump and into the ground.

We at the Peripheral Intelligence Agency listened to explanations from those involved.

“This is meant to show the universe that we care about novelty, and that we are willing to contribute to its cause,” said one student who is a math major. “It is a small start, but we hope it will help conjure some more intonation frequencies which will allow us to improve our broader novelty structure.”

Another student, a mechanical engineer, explained, “People ask how we could afford so much steel, and how we could have transported it so far. The answer, an amazing perfect trick, is in the novelty code -- aka, hidden beneath the intonation. No hard labor necessary.”

Finally, the quieter one of the three, a philosophy student, said a few words. “To sum it all up, I would like to ask a rhetorical question. When your eyes are in the sky, where do you think the sky’s eyes are? That is most important. And there’s only one way to find out.”

They were not very talkative outside of their monologues and departed shortly afterward.

Although I do find the aesthetic of the metal tree eye-catching and interesting, it is obviously illegal, janky, and dangerous. It is enormous and unstable. If it were to fall, and it looks like it likely will, then people could be crushed. However, this is a fact that the town’s central government refuses to acknowledge. The police and the town manager say the tree is a cleverly-constructed art installation, despite the students’ refusal to explain how they obtained and assembled the steel beams. Why the town’s central officials are ignoring their periphery, and whether they are doing so on purpose, with ulterior motives or not, I don’t know.

What I do know is, that
peripherally go the winds of progress…

For more articles by Clarence Mon, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email cmon@surrealtimes.net.

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