New Hairstyle Taking over Paquaint Areas
With my own eyes, I spy on many a streetcorner, folks with torn-out hair, bandaids on their barren scalps, with scattered bushes of hair in various spots upon their heads. When asked whether they'd been assaulted or whether something else had gone wrong, these persons respond emphatically, "No, this is my primal style! Don't you like it?"
Upon further investigation, I've learned that a number of under the table hair stylists are offering the sought-after and excruciatingly authentic "monkey pull," in which the hair stylist puts rotting apples in the customer's hair, waits for flies to congregate between their locks, and shortly thenafter releases a hungry monkey in the room. The usual result is that the monkey rips out much of the customor's hair while going after the bugs dwelling inside.
"It's the perfect mix of organized chaos," said one salon-goer. "Monkeys are older versions of humans, basically, so although they are a bit wild, they are also incredibly in touch with their intuitions in a way that us agriculturalized so-called advanced beings could never be."
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