Notice: You May Be Entitled to Money

Anonymous,

IF YOU WERE EVER A MEMBER OF THE FUNKY GORILLA BANANA LOVERS CULT AND WERE FORCED TO TAKE HORMONE TREATMENTS THAT TURNED YOU INTO AN APE AND NOW YOU HAVE HAIR SPROUTING FROM PLACES WHERE THEY SHOULDN’T BE SPROUTING AND YOU HAVE AN UNQUENCHABLE DESIRE TO EAT BANANAS AND YOU LOVE HURLING FECES AT YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND YOU CAN ONLY COMMUNICATE THROUGH GRUNTING NOISES AND CAN NO LONGER LIVE IN A HOME BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE THE ONLY PLACE TO BE YOURSELF IS IN A WILD UNTAMED JUNGLE IN THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO AND YOU FIND OTHER APES STRANGELY ATTRACTIVE AND HAVE HAD URGES TO HAVE LITTLE APE BABIES WITH OTHER WILD APES, YOU MAY QUALIFY FOR BENEFITS FROM A CLASS ACTION SETTLEMENT.

File an online claim by emailing GorillaBananaLoversCultLawsuit@surrealtimes.com

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