Obituary: Big Brass Bessie
Big Brass Bessie was standing on the grass, listening to her favorite church choir perform an a Capella version of Canadian alt-rock-rap group Len's smash hit "Steal my Sunshine" at the world famous Canobie Lake Park in New Hampshire, when she was pierced with a tabun needle. She was the 3rd fatality from one of the lethal needles.
In her case, the tabun activated in her vocal cords first. She didn't feel pain but screamed uncontrollably due to a solidifying throat.
Having trouble breathing, she got into the park's biggest roller coaster, Superman, to force air down her own throat. This was a bad move, though, because her screams for help blended in with other riders' screams. People thought she was having fun.
Drowning happily within a sea of fun, her mind swelled with last wishes and unopened "canned ifs". They were all swept away as she screamed on with the crowd, playing out in joy like she played fake-prospector.
As the coaster dipped and rose, Bessie noticed that the park was surprisingly empty. What time was it? How long had she been on the ride? A turn she had no doubt experienced dozens of times was coming up. Maybe they'd get her in the morning and giver her a good settlement. Unbeknownst to her, a needle falling inside a crucial screw had turned a single screw loose. Her car went careening off the track, causing an unrealistically large explosion. She will be missed.
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