Questionable Hustle in Central Park: HUMAN ZOO

Tom Johnson,
Sergeant, UMass PD

I discovered quite the hustle going on in central park, east side. A couple of guys from New Jersey have a large area of the park cordoned off. They recently installed tall glass panels around the entire area. Since then, the enclosed space has been rife with nervous men and sometimes their families, all dressed in loincloths, scavenging for berries and hunting squirrels for meat. The inhabitants stay there for months at a time while the fellas from New Jersey charge outsiders to watch.

It is some kind of volunteer human zoo. In this “zoo”, people are kept inside one-way glass walls and without access to regular civilization. Outsiders wait in long lines for the chance to watch those living on the inside interact with each other and other zoo animals.

Matters inside sometimes escalate, but nothing can be done to help those involved. I witnessed a young boy who’d been separated from his parents fight off a prowling fox with a stick. He survived, but suffered nasty scratches to his face and neck. I saw a single mother tug of war with a grown man over a bag of apples she’d collected. In the end, she was left crying, baby in arms with nothing to feed him.

My instinct was to shut the whole operation down immediately. However, they presented me with signed consent paperwork from all inhabitants of the containment area, and threatened to sue if I took quick action. So I backed off and opted to investigate the legality of the operation from afar.

The PIA is now on the case. The police plan to react accordingly after receiving the PIA’s full report. Still, I admit, I am confused as to why people would ever agree to live in a cage. But, heck, it is 2018. People nowadays do stranger things.

For more articles by Tom Johnson, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email johnson.tom@surrealtimes.net.

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