Salvation Of Gleez Mission Fails Due To Problematic Greg

Kangarth Jragzip,
Historian

The Salvation of Gleez mission had little success on the northernmost gaseous moon, largely due to issues with translation, and more specifically, issues with Greg.

Greg became involved with the mission largely by accident. He’d grown up among merchants on the moon station known for a thriving meltable apple trade. Therefore he developed enough of a working knowledge of the Glauzean language to make polite-but-still-unpleasant elevator conversation. He mastered the following phrases and little else:

“Hello, the acid rain is lovely today, isn’t it?”

“Hello, I’m Greg.”

“Hello, I’ve just slightly murdered a fellow in a dispute downstairs. Can I hide from law enforcement in your spaceship?”

The elevator-goer directed Greg to a vessel taking asylum seekers. He went in the opposite direction and wound up on a vessel owned by a prominent Gleezian’s half-sister. From there, he became acquainted with the northward-bound Salvation of Gleez mission, who sponsored his degree in Gleezian theology. Greg then accompanied the mission to a distant gaseous moon, linguistically similar though not identical to his home planet.

Upon docking, the Salvation asked their translator to convey this message to the gathering crowd: “Hello! Gather ye for your Salvation by Gleez is imminent; come hear about the glory and mercy offered by our divine and returning Lord Gleez!”

Greg summed this up in the local vernacular: “Hello! I am going to talk about a guy.”

One of the listening caffeinated egg harvesters asked a question to the linguistic novice, “Why should we care about this guy?” which Greg then communicated to the Mission leaders.

The Mission responded: “Gleez is all-knowing and all-loving. He is the way to eternal Salvation and asylum from damnation. Come be absorbed into his welcoming glow and light!”

Greg took a stab at translating this: “He is nice. He will eat you.”

Author's note: This was an excerpt from the upcoming installment in theological historian Kangarth Jragzip's series on the spread of various religions across worlds in the invisible galaxy. Jragzip is celebrated not only for her scholarship, but for her accessible writing style that blends a fictitious writing style with historical fact.

For more articles by Kangarth Jragzip, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email kjohnson@surrealtimes.net.

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