The Astronotical Galactic Novelty Society hosted their annual “Simulation Hack Day” last month. At this event, people from different backgrounds joined forces and tried to hack into the simulation we are all living in. A combination of astronomers, physicists, computer hackers, psychologists, and others took many different approaches, with mixed success. But despite many differences, they shared the same goal: to break out of the rules of the game that we are trapped in, to free ourselves from the chains of God’s computer program, and to live a truly free life. To understand true reality!
Programmers, for instance, attempted to glitch the system by compiling code down to formations of bacteria whose interactions were so intricate and complicated that it might overwhelm the CPU of the simulation we live in.
Some programmers joined forces with politicians to coordinate large scale buffer overflow attacks in which humanity would organize so many high bandwidth events simultaneously that it would hopefully cause the simulation to run out of memory and allow us to program other areas of memory, effectively gaining “root access” to the simulation. Unfortunately, this didn’t quite work.
To me, the psychologist’s approach was especially interesting. “Notionally,” Dr. Michaels said, “if we are in a simulation, there must be a programmer. Social engineering is the most effective form of hacking. So we ought to try to get into the mind of the programmer. Then, maybe, we don’t need to hack the system ourselves. The programmer (some call God) can be convinced or tricked into changing the rules into what we want them to be.”
Unfortunately the simulation hack day finished with no success this year. At one point, a mathematician had screamed with joy that he had glimpsed at a page of God’s notebook, but it was later realized that he was on LSD at the time. He argued that that was irrelevant, but the simulation hack day judges ruled that a hack into the simulation must be objective and repeatable to be valid. This ignited some fierce arguments among philosophers at the event, and it’s possible the rules could change for next year.
The next Simulation Hack Day will be on August 10th, 2022 in Venice, CA. Email firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.
The Simulation Hack Day board of directors is open to applications. Please email your application to the above address if you are interested.
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