Women Re-defines Love Function
Legend has it that a woman of L.A. has been experimenting with her heart in ways never before documented. Her name is Jilly Schwartz, and I ran into her a few weeks back at an underground speed dating event.
Jilly wears the function L(x) = 2q*x^2 + Ax + 230 on her heart (where ‘A’ is the Thought Coefficient, as defined by the Federal Reserve of Thoughts, and ‘q’ is something unknown to me). This defines the amount of love she feels in any given situation.
A flower in a sea of weeds, this exotic function caught my eye. I knew it couldn’t be indigenous to Jilly’s physiology. She must have somehow acquired or developed this unusual love mechanism.
I asked myself: How would I find out the truth?
I answered myself: I will ask her using my words.
So I asked her, “Could you explain the source of your functionality?”
“I tweaked my software a bit,” she said. It surprised me how nonchalantly she responded.
“You did?”
“Yeah, I like to experiment running different programs on my heart and my brain, just to test different possibilities and eventually find out who I want to be.”
“Wait, are you a robot or something?” I asked.
“No, silly, what makes you think that?”
“Hmmm, I think it was the part about you re-programming yourself.”
"All millennials run on C++,” she told me. “Everyone born between 1982 and 1995 runs C++, actually. Before that, it was FORTRAN.”
“Talking to her more, I learned that human hardware is known to be of good quality, but that God (a.k.a. “The Supreme Fascist”) is not a very good software engineer. In Jilly’s opinion, God dumped the responsibility on humans to refine their own software.
“You should try meta-programming yourself if you haven’t already!” she told me. “One bit of advice, be careful with those darn infinite loops! I lost a few months while waiting for someone to reset me.”
POST A COMMENT
See Also
Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.