| Date Published |
Title |
Author(s) |
| December 12, 2021 |
Sound Worm Havoc On Halloween | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
Column: Pleakley's Afternoon | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| December 12, 2021 |
Anti-Clown Attacks in Amherst | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
Local Business Tries Out Causal Fridays | Johnathan Delsignore |
| December 12, 2021 |
Stuck in a bug | Vidya |
| August 23, 2021 |
Jeff Bezos: Chimpanzee Murderer | Paul Kruger |
| August 23, 2021 |
Recommended Negative Vibe Quota | Milbod Hummmmmmmmm |
| August 23, 2021 |
Convert Me Daddy! This Could Be A One Buck Pantheon For You. | Anonymous |
| July 18, 2021 |
Introspecting On The Side Effects Of Divorce | Dernberger Spengleton |
| July 18, 2021 |
Dear Jupiter: My Tongue Has Become A Snake! | Jupiter |
| July 18, 2021 |
Have You Ever Experienced Something … So Bad | Vivian Mauve |
| July 18, 2021 |
What Really Happened When A Rodent Teether And A Tobot Roother Kissed. | The Speculative Asexual |
| May 29, 2021 |
Surreal Times Joins The New York Times | The Editors |
| May 29, 2021 |
Presidential Orgy Designed To Find Future Moon King | Tommy Potentuary |
| May 29, 2021 |
Correction: Mathematicians On Mars | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 9, 2021 |
Surreal Times Aquired By The Argonaut | The Editors |
| April 9, 2021 |
Meese Herds Return To Home In Sw Ontario. | Ellie Zandt-Balmer |
| April 9, 2021 |
A Call To Immediate Action: Baconize The Pig | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| April 9, 2021 |
Gravity Preppers Wear Bricks On Their Feet | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 9, 2021 |
Mathematicians On Mars | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 9, 2021 |
Dear Jupiter: Should I Build Robot Lips To Please My Girlfriend? | Jupiter |
| April 9, 2021 |
Op-ed: Proposal To Replace Presidential Debates With Something Much More Entertaining | Paul Kruger |
| April 9, 2021 |
Caterpillar Rash | Opheila Jones |
| April 9, 2021 |
Whose Bones Are These? | Aldus Humbleton |
| April 9, 2021 |
Opinion: Free The Oil, Help It To Freedom | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 12, 2021 |
Women Re-defines Love Function | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 12, 2021 |
Can Bone Removal Prevent The Spread Of Covid? | Common Observer |
| March 12, 2021 |
Disgraced Surgeon Pioneers Eyeball Relocation Procedure | Bartholomew Bax |
| March 12, 2021 |
Task Tony Helps Belen Find Love | Tony Pepperoni |
| March 12, 2021 |
The Octopus Saga: How I Ate A Live Octopus And Formed A Bond With It | Paul Kruger |
| March 12, 2021 |
Couple Brings Their Relationship To The Next Level | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 12, 2021 |
Boxman: Amherst’s Newest Superhero | The Mysterious M |
| February 9, 2021 |
New Business In Town: Kid Swap | Paul Kruger |
| February 9, 2021 |
Man Sneezes; Gets Blessed By Jesus Christ | Paul Kruger |
| February 9, 2021 |
Letter To The Editor | Anonymous |
| February 9, 2021 |
Costco Burns To The Ground, Destroying Thousands Of Free Samples | Mike Hanson |
| February 9, 2021 |
Individuals Celebrate Organization | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 8, 2021 |
Lobster Whisperer Teaches Sonar Spoofing, Saves Crustations | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 8, 2021 |
Reality Supremacist Operatives Outed From Congress | Carl Mon |
| February 8, 2021 |
Blow To Head Changes Ball Player’s Life Forever | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 8, 2021 |
Couple Has A Real Marriage | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
Oroxtaclüve Sighting Downtown Amherst, Collateral Damage | Carl Mon |
| December 13, 2020 |
Notice: You May Be Entitled to Money | Anonymous |
| December 13, 2020 |
Dear Jupiter: I Can Only Express Myself Through Elaborate Performance Art | Jupiter |
| December 13, 2020 |
Nation Unites In Anti-vampire Movement | Bartholomew Bax |
| December 13, 2020 |
LA City Government Rumored To Be Buying Tiktok | Paul Kruger |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Truth Behind Turkey | Joaquin |
| December 13, 2020 |
Etymological Erotica: Meat Your Maker | Madame Madman |
| December 13, 2020 |
Man Replaces Teeth With Small Robots | Carl Mon |
| December 13, 2020 |
Be The Video Game Character You Always Dreamed Of | Tommy Potentuary |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Art Of Fishing With Birds, A Beautiful Bond | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 28, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| October 28, 2020 |
Notice To The Public | Mike |
| October 28, 2020 |
A Damn Good Case Of The Brownie Bonkers | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| October 28, 2020 |
Bunny Rabbit Rave Hero | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 28, 2020 |
Sandcastle Sex Dolls Deemed Unhealthy | Tom Johnson |
| October 28, 2020 |
10 Essential Weasel Montgomery Jones Records | Flip Gilligan |
| September 23, 2020 |
Meet the denizens of my cyst, You Dirty Dog | The Inanimate Empathist |
| September 23, 2020 |
Exciting Performance At Exhibit to be Unveiled | Vivian Mauve |
| September 23, 2020 |
Luxury Space Lake Open for Family Fun | Tommy Potentuary |
| September 23, 2020 |
Questions: Would you Rather? | Paul Krueger |
| September 23, 2020 |
Existential Dread Down the Drain | Dernberger Spengleton |
| September 23, 2020 |
Scooter Coolman Finds A Lover | Dernberger Spengleton |
| September 23, 2020 |
Dental Delinquent On The Loose | Gum Girl |
| August 16, 2020 |
Letters to The Editor | Various |
| July 29, 2020 |
Volcano Gods Demand Tribute | Grand Elder Edna |
| July 21, 2020 |
Account: Hand Sanitizing Vigilantism Saves the World | Carl Mon |
| May 17, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| May 17, 2020 |
Love Story | Matt Languadoc |
| May 17, 2020 |
Bird Funeral, At Least You Know, A Public Notary | The Gulled One |
| May 7, 2020 |
Time Travel Candy for Curious Tongues | Margaretta Fleese |
| May 5, 2020 |
Woman Fell In Love With A Yeast Infection | Common Observer |
| May 5, 2020 |
Blargo is Back | Billy Nodges |
| May 5, 2020 |
Conversations Overheard: Lobster Mac & Cheese | Phillis "Psychic Philip" Phillips |
| May 5, 2020 |
How "Toxic" By Britney Spears Saved Humankind From Destruction | Flip Gilligan |
| April 26, 2020 |
A New Generation Of Media | Surreal Times News Team |
| April 23, 2020 |
Invasive Tree Grows Writhing Rats | Tom Johnson |
| March 1, 2020 |
Slug Delivery Not Controversial | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
“Pimp My Brain” Will Blow Your Mind | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
Pupil Stage Of Noise Moths Discovered | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| March 1, 2020 |
Dear Jupiter: My Biological Father Is Abraham Lincoln | Jupiter |
| March 1, 2020 |
Fireworks At The Convergence Bowl | Common Observer |
| February 29, 2020 |
Rest In Peace With Ripper Linda | Ripper Linda |
| February 29, 2020 |
Salvation Of Gleez Mission Fails Due To Problematic Greg | Kangarth Jragzip |
| February 29, 2020 |
Book Review: Voldemort Goes To Hawaii | Professor Nutmeg |
| January 25, 2020 |
Demon that Does Good Visits Easthampton | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 25, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| January 25, 2020 |
60 More Star Wars Films Planned For Release By 2030 | Martin “Marty” Kovacs |
| January 25, 2020 |
Surreal Times Marching Orders | The Editors |
| December 6, 2019 |
PIA Defeated By The Reality Supremacists | Carl Mon |
| December 6, 2019 |
Chiptooth Kindergarten Holiday Auditing! | Mrs. Porter |
| November 2, 2019 |
Diary Of Edna Cooper Uncovered | Edna Cooper |
| November 2, 2019 |
Shoe Communication For My Fellow Shyfolk! | ShyGuy |
| November 2, 2019 |
I Almost Joined A Cult And Was Glad About It | V. Mauve and Sebastian Pingas |
| November 2, 2019 |
Opinion: I Love Tinnitus | Chadborne Prendergast |
| November 2, 2019 |
A Poem By Death Itself | Graham Rapier |
| November 2, 2019 |
Newspaper Box Fires | Sherry Wolverton |
| November 2, 2019 |
Placenta And Loneliness, At Least For Now | The Collective |
| November 2, 2019 |
Blue Alien Petting Zoo Coming To Amherst | Charlie Tomquat |
| November 2, 2019 |
In Pursuit Of A Smooth Marriage | BoobnBob |
| November 2, 2019 |
The Last Journals Of Klip The Seagull | Graham Rapier |
| November 2, 2019 |
Droids Invade Love | Dr. Harold S. Pirog |
| November 2, 2019 |
Hypercube Confessions And The Future | Dernberger Spengleton |
| November 2, 2019 |
The Carousel Of Unending Happiness Vii | Ophelia Jones |
| November 2, 2019 |
What We Crave | Clist Cthrutchy |
| October 23, 2019 |
Kindergaten Learning Shines Like The Sun | Mrs Porter |
| October 5, 2019 |
The Carousel of Unending Happiness | Your RingMaster |
| October 5, 2019 |
Serial Chakra Unaligner Walks Streets | Maximo Piccolo |
| October 3, 2019 |
Letter From The Foreign Dreams Correspondent | Alan Partridge |
| October 3, 2019 |
Gulled One Quiet No More | The Gulled One |
| October 3, 2019 |
PSA To Wet Robot Canoodlers | Tom Johnson |
| September 4, 2019 |
Mechanical Man Spotted in Boston | Samantha Kicsi |
| September 4, 2019 |
Dear Jupiter: "I'm a Formless Ball of Light, and I don't want my boyfriend to know." | Jupiter |
| June 17, 2019 |
Ode to Lobotomies | Your Neighbor |
| June 17, 2019 |
Blue Wall: Blown to Bits | Rio Calais |
| June 17, 2019 |
Chimp Joe Safe at Alien Commune | Ron Gutterston |
| May 22, 2019 |
The Novelty Manifesto | Eddie Octo |
| May 21, 2019 |
The Sunken Head Says Bye and Somni Says Hi | The Narrator |
| May 21, 2019 |
Grieving in the Wake of An Idiot Alien's Deportation | Ron Gutterston |
| May 21, 2019 |
She's in the Carousel of Unending Happiness Now | Your RingMaster |
| May 15, 2019 |
The Story of Time | Cryptic Mark |
| May 14, 2019 |
In Response to A Study In Cow Pelt And Citrus | The Inanimate Empathist |
| May 13, 2019 |
The Mechanical Fellow Saves Us From The Noise Moths Crisis | Tommy Potentuary |
| April 16, 2019 |
RCSC Distribution Begins | Tommy Potentuary |
| April 16, 2019 |
Man Spots Fire Hydrant In Desert | The Editors |
| April 16, 2019 |
Pop Magazine Pivots Focus Away from The Animate | BoobnBob |
| April 16, 2019 |
Student Has Unconventional Taste | Gabriella Grondalski |
| April 16, 2019 |
Dorf Deported After Altercations With Serr-Vo and The Mechanical Fellow | Ron Gutterston |
| March 14, 2019 |
A Study In Cow Pelt and Citrus | Eddy Cruise |
| March 13, 2019 |
Hippo Causes Destruction Downtown | BoobnBob |
| March 12, 2019 |
Monstrous House Cat Donated to Shelter | Opa Kaanrus |
| March 11, 2019 |
Mouth of Pig Discovered in Roadside Soup | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| March 11, 2019 |
Man Who Won't Stop Talking Caught, Applauded | Michael O’Really |
| February 26, 2019 |
The Fall of The Former Martian Ambassador | The Purple Hermit |
| February 20, 2019 |
How To Reach the End of The World | Cro Raka |
| February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: Earnest Earhorn | The Earhorn Family |
| January 24, 2019 |
Castle About Which World Rotates: dweller unsatisfied, unable to paint or escape | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 23, 2019 |
Chimp Joe Leaves Jail Under Care of Lover | Clarence Mon |
| January 13, 2019 |
Psychoactive Noise Moths Do Not Affect Humans | Whaler S. Fishpole |
| January 9, 2019 |
Tabletalk Cries | Tommy Origami |
| December 19, 2018 |
"Beware The Tabun Needle" | Saul Smalls, with the help of an editor surviving the same illness |
| December 12, 2018 |
Baron of Bullets Releases Cryptic Statement | The Editors |
| November 21, 2018 |
Lobster Spawning Brigade Accidentally Descends On Amherst | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| November 16, 2018 |
Obituary: The Gulled One Has Pecked the Bucket | The Editors |
| October 28, 2018 |
Words Discover How To Make Love | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 24, 2018 |
Hoards of Stolen Personal Diaries Found in Tent in Forest | Clarence Mon |
| October 5, 2018 |
Man Shows Vulnerability, Successfully Apprehended | Aleister Frost |
| October 5, 2018 |
Florida Parents Acquire Vending Machine to Feed Children | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 4, 2018 |
Beloved Surreal Times Reporter Zulu Z. Zulu Wanted Dead or Alive | Giles Squin |
| October 3, 2018 |
His Name Is Mr. Terrible and He Just Likes to Sneak Around | Ron Gutterston |
| October 2, 2018 |
A Letter To My Brother | Saul Smalls |
| September 18, 2018 |
H-33 Explained | Eddie Octo |
| July 30, 2018 |
April 29th Special Broadcast | Times Staff |
| July 29, 2018 |
Chimpanzee Joe: "This is Your Second Warning" | Chimpanzee Joe |
| July 29, 2018 |
Shiftier Than Ever: The Baron Receives 3.2 Billion Dollars | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| July 11, 2018 |
Baron of Bullets: I Have The Ultimate Weapon | Marcus Van Door |
| May 30, 2018 |
Notorious Chief Of Agnatroptes Witnessed Serving Sun | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 20, 2018 |
Craigslist Post Appears Offering Bicycle Day Deal | Common Observer |
| April 19, 2018 |
Sightings Of Doppelgangers In The South | Cro Raka |
| April 19, 2018 |
Dj Hawk Radio Passes Along | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Strange Turn of Events Leads Writer to Symbioticism | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| March 11, 2018 |
Piece of Surreal Engine Found Near Fault Line, Becomes Prize | Dr. Dan Nibbler |
| March 3, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART TWO OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| February 24, 2018 |
P.S.A. Regarding Meteor Impacts | Jonothan Woodruff |
| February 24, 2018 |
A Depraved Scene Among Our Youth | Chef Xenu Zorelli |
| February 8, 2018 |
Eyrie Eyrie House Hotel Is Recieving Guests Again | Cro Raka |
| January 17, 2018 |
A Love Supreme | J.D. |
| December 23, 2017 |
Assymetry | Wes Sizemore |
| December 16, 2017 |
A Trail of Ashes | J.D. |
| November 20, 2017 |
Local Boys Learns Not To Lie | Cro Raka |
| November 11, 2017 |
Music Review: PC Music, vol 1 By Various Artists | Paul Kleiner |
| October 27, 2017 |
My Search For Enlightenment in these Forsaken Times | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| October 26, 2017 |
Stolen Gurgleer | Clarence Mon |
| October 24, 2017 |
Love Letter to My Future Wife | Armädeius Galouei |
| September 22, 2017 |
Couple Does a Marriage | Cryptic Mark |
| August 4, 2017 |
The Eclipse and A Call To Action | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| August 4, 2017 |
Call to action for the second coming | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| May 19, 2017 |
A Quick Rewind | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| April 25, 2017 |
LOW-TEMP VOLCANO ERUPTS | Earnest |
| April 10, 2017 |
Large Idea Rotisserie Halts, The Unlegged Rise, The Sun Continues to Shine | Alfred Humbleton |
| March 17, 2017 |
Montreal Endures Viscous Inhabitant | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 2, 2017 |
Tsunami Hits Western Mass | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 27, 2017 |
Zulu Z. Zulu's travels: NYC Bussed Tour | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| February 2, 2017 |
The Man in the Nest | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
The Battle of the Beaks | Cadence P. Crockpot |
| February 1, 2017 |
NERB SPEAKS | Common Observer |
| February 1, 2017 |
AN UPDATE ON SOUTH WORCESTER | Clarence Mon |
| February 1, 2017 |
Slam your head against the wall | William Howard |
| February 1, 2017 |
Letter to the editor | Emanuel Gumft |
| January 31, 2017 |
An Explanation | Doctor Goldstein |
| January 31, 2017 |
A peculiar occurence | Dernberger Spengleton |