Bill "Nerb" Elsasser to Sue Town For Killing Flowers

In Wake of Hair Anywhere Spray "Cure"

Common Observer,
Times Correspondent

Photo of Bill Elsasser from https://www.smithsonianmag.com/photocontest/detail/people/taking-care-of-business/

Hello all. Be it for better or worse, Bill Elsasser, otherwise known as Nerb The Great, continues ever persistently in the direction of what he considers justice.

He will sit before the town board this week in hopes of relaying to them the seriousness of their recent belligerent spraying of what is essentially weed killer across the whole town. He says, “Well, the town’s intention, or designated purpose, I should say, was to quote on quote ‘save’ the town from infiltrating hair forest masses. But they didn’t do that, in any sense other than the way they supposedly save us from mosquitos every year. They didn’t just kill the massive hair overrunning the town. They killed everything. They made people bald. They destroyed the greenery. They killed all of the town-subsidized flowers I have tended to for free for the past 15 years, my hopes only being to maintain a community here and knowing that a beautiful downtown residential place is necessary to maintain a community. They’ve ruined it all. I suppose they’ve done one good thing, which is expose themselves for who they really are -- a bunch of opportunist attention-seeking bozos who don’t actually care about anything and who get in the way of others from being able to do anything, thereby making it worse.”

Bill a.k.a. Nerb says that although he spent the last 15 years of his life tending to the town on his own accord, as a volunteer, he believes the town’s outright undermining of his work is grounds for a lawsuit, or worse.

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