Cdc Now Recommends Three Personalities Per Person

As social isolation appears to be a long term reality, the Center for Disease Control now recommends that individuals maintain three distinct personalities or personas in order to stimulate feelings of socializing during prolonged alone time.

In a November 22 press conference, Dr. Fauci explained, “Just because you can’t hang out with other people at restaurants or nightclubs, doesn’t mean you can’t party with the other personalities within your mind.”

He suggested that all people begin developing additional personalities if they do not yet have at least three, and to be careful to make each one as unique as possible. The following schedule is provided to get people started:

Monday: Focus on personality 1 all day Tuesday: Personality 2 all day Wednesday: Personality 3 all day Thursday: Cycle personalities every 8 hours Friday: Cycle personalities each hour Saturday: Cycle personalities each minute Sunday: Cycle personalities each second

Fauci explained, “By following the personality schedule, you trick your mind into thinking that it is experiencing an exciting social life. That causes your body to produce the chemicals which will stabilize your mood throughout the duration of the pandemic, thereby giving first responders and researchers the time they need to put COVID-19 to rest once and for all.”

That said, Fauci warned that maintaining more than the recommended number of personalities can undermine the process by over-saturating the mind. Similarly, it can be troublesome to maintain multiple personalities outside the age range of 3 to 65.

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