Dear Jupiter: "I'm a Formless Ball of Light, and I don't want my boyfriend to know."

Jupiter,
Advice Columnist

As seen in Surreal Times Boston --

I am a shape-shifting being from Titan, one of Saturn’s moons. My parents and I moved to Earth 6 months ago. I recently started my Junior year of high school and have been going steady with a boy in my class. We see each other a lot, and my parents really like him.

The only problem: he doesn’t know I’m an alien. He thinks my family is from Utah. He thinks I’m a short brunette girl, when really I’m a formless, bodiless ball of light. My family are all shape-shifters. I’m afraid that if I tell him the truth, he’ll break up with me. The same thing happened when our family moved to Pluto and pretended to be mosquito people. Once my boyfriend found out I was not a mosquito person, he dumped me and never spoke to me again.

I really like this guy and I don’t want him to think I’m weird, but I also don’t want to hide myself from him. How can I solve this dilemma?

Sincerely,
“What Even Am I?”

***

***

Dear, “What Even Am I?”,

Believe it or not, I’ve been in your situation and know what it is like to move to a new place and feel your identity stripped away. My parents were both aliens as well, and they tried making our family appear more like Earthlings. I even tried bleaching my green skin and covering my third eye with makeup to fit in with the other humans. I’ve since learned to love my green skin and third eye, as they make me who I am.

Remember that most high school love is fleeting. You meet someone and think you’ll be with them forever, but it doesn’t usually work out that way. Teenagers are fickle creatures. Teenage love is superficial and short-lived. It takes years to fall in love with someone.

That being said, if you want to tell your boyfriend you’re an alien, do it. You shouldn’t hide your identity from him. If he still dates you, he’s a keeper; but if he dumps you, he just isn’t the one and you need to move on.

If you do tell him, tell him ASAP. You wouldn’t want him to know 10 years from now if you two are still together, He may not take it well. Relationships are built on trust. A good friend of mine recently found out her husband of 11 years was actually a time-traveling Attila the Hun, and, needless to say, it created a serious fracture in their marriage.

There’s a possibility he won’t accept you, and that will hurt for a while. However, it doesn’t mean you can’t accept yourself. Love where you’re from! Being a human is nice, but don’t you sometimes just want to drop the act and for a day or two and go back to being a formless ball of light? Sure, you won’t be able to speak, but you can be yourself, and that’s what’s important.

I love having green skin, a third eye, two brains and a tail. You should also love being a formless ball of light.

Also, good riddance to that mosquito person you were dating. Mosquito people are jerks.

Sincerely,
Jupiter

For more articles by Jupiter, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email jupiter@surrealtimes.net.

POST A COMMENT

See Also

Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.