Group Attempts To Hypnotize The Gods

Dernberger Spengleton,
Tender to the Grand Conveyor

[Artist’s depiction of these events by Sawyer Philips @doodlesbysawyer]

A mix of technologists, psychologists, and theologists gathered in the Mojave desert this past weekend to construct a large sculpture designed to capture the attention of the Gods. It is a 40-foot tall wooden man using both solar-powered arms to swing a giant pendulum.

“Careful, don’t look at it directly!” one of them said to me as I arrived. “If it’s powerful enough to hypnotize a God, it can sure as hell hypnotize you.”

From that point on, I looked at the structure only through a mirror.

“We are interested in abundance,” said my old friend Theodore Munnelly, who was part of this operation. “Inter-dimensional abundance is what we want. And the only way to attain the abundance we seek is to be given it by a higher being.”

Further conversation revealed that this group, now known as The Novelty Society, has for many years tried to impress the Gods with art and sculptures, hoping for some kind of reward. Alas, none of their methods have worked, and so they are now trying to lull the Gods into a trance and cause them to give away their Godly riches and abilities to humans. Alternatively, we might be able to distract the Gods, and thereby get them to relax their heavy-handed grip on our consciousness and physical laws.

“How do you know if it’s working?” I asked Theodore.

“I’m not sure,” he said, “Perhaps a feeling of omnipresence? Whatever happens, we’ll need to be careful not to hypnotize ourselves once we transcend. What good would transcendence be if you are stuck staring at a pendulum the whole time. Let’s get started.”

A pickup truck carried out some loud speakers to the front of the giant wooden hypnotist. Theodore started the generator and grabbed a microphone. He and the others performed chants through the loud speakers, sending sound up into the sky. Interspersed between hypnotic rhythms and harmonies, they recited commands “you are getting sleepy, pass the reigns of the universe to the humans, you are getting sleepy, relinquish control.”

After a few hours of this, I made my way back to Surreal Times HQ to write up the story. As far as I know, the effort to hypnotize the gods has not yet been successful. But, if it was, would I know?

For more articles by Dernberger Spengleton, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email spengleton@surrealtimes.net.

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