Human-like Pet Store Opens Downtown

Tommy Potentuary,
Television Personality
[Artist's depiction of these events by Aaron Friedman]

It’s a pandemic. Let’s face it, we don’t get to see many people nowadays. A lot of us are stuck at home, alone, with nobody but our cats and dogs to keep us company. And that’s great, but does it ever get a bit dry hanging out with a creature that can’t talk, can’t walk on two legs, can’t do anything a human can do?

Sometimes, even in normal times, I find myself wishing for a pet that I could relate to a little bit more. I don’t necessarily want a human friend, because to be honest, humans suck. But something in between - a cute pet that’s just a bit smarter, just a bit more human-like.

If you’ve ever felt the same way, you’re in luck! Come on down to Goatman Pets in Palm Springs California, the hottest new pet store in the county.

At Goatman Pets, you can get a pet with one, two, but always less than three human features (feature limit required in order to conform to current laws).

A cat with human legs!

A fish with human ears!

A snake with an arm and a nose!

Goatman Pets guarantees that you’ll like your hybrid pet far more than any pure human or pure animal. And, if you don’t, they’ll give you another one for free!

Prices are competitive, and if you can’t afford the hybrid pet of your dreams, Goatman Pets offers a trade in program unlike any other. This program allows almost anyone to afford a hybrid pet. Just bring along some unwanted pets or unwanted human parts of your own. Goatman Pets will use your trade in materials to re-stock their inventory. And you’ll get a great deal!

To get in touch, contact goatmanpets@surrealtimes.net.

For more articles by Tommy Potentuary, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email tommy.potent@surrealtimes.net.

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