The Mouth Roomba - Newest Dental Invention

Michael Gigg’s (RIP) Unpublished Invention revealed

Tommy Potentuary,
TV Personality

The late Michael Giggs, dentist and amateur robotisticist, died in early February due to a malfunction of his trademarked “robotic teeth”. Despite widespread criticism of his methods, his innovative dental hacks garnered him a large following of like-minded biohackers. Many were inspired by his drive to bring 21st century technology into the moist world of teeth and gums, and so when his personal documents were leaked last week, people were quick to act.

Giggs left behind a journal of dental inventions never before released to the world. One such invention, the “Mouth Roomba”, was immediately picked up by various dental practices trying to carry on Mr. Giggs’ work.

The Mouth Roomba is a small hydro-electric vacuum that roams your mouth, slurping up bacteria and plague. It charges its batteries hydro-electrically when you drink water or swish spit around your mouth. Its lifetime lasts long enough for 10,000 meals, after which you may simply spit out the Roomba and replace it with another.

“I’ll never need to own a toothbrush again,” said one early adopter. “The amount of time saved is amazing.”

This technology does have serious downsides, though, much like Michael Gigg’s earlier inventions. Under rare circumstances The Mouth Roomba can vacuum up a person’s tongue, often causing the need for amputation. It also results in bad breath, because while it keeps your teeth and gums clean at all times, it retains a condensed ball of gunk in its hull within your mouth, which smells quite strong when wet.

So the question is, what do you care about most? Your smell, or your time?

For more articles by Tommy Potentuary, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email Tommy.potent@surrealtimes.net.

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