Top 13 Ball Moments
Recently I have learned more about the occultist game called simply, “BALL”, which is growing ever more popular in the Pioneer Valley, growing from its seed at 397 South Silver Lane in Sunderland. I originally documented the game here. I did not like the feral nature of it originally. But, surprisingly, I have grown fond of the sport.
Some of the original ballplayers, Josh, Bargy (who asked to remain anonymous), Sam, Ben, Aneesh, Sean, Aaron, Tony, Will, and Adam, have told me of the greatest ball moments of all time, and I am happy to share them with the world.
1. When Ballplayer Josh kicked a BALL at Aaron’s little cube car as he rounded the corner.
2. When a BALL, flying at tremendous speeds, crashed through the front door screen at 397 S Silver Lane in Sunderland, Massachusetts. Kitchen dwellers reported that “[they] were chilling in the kitchen when a BALL came flying through.”
3. When Ballignorer Sean was sitting inside doing normal people stuff, hearing bang bang bang as Ballplayer Crispy kicked a BALL against the outside wall bordering Ballignorer Sean’s bedroom.
4. When Ballplayer Crispy was getting a BALL out of a tree, Ballplayer Josh ambushed Ballplayer Crispy with a huge spear. Ballplayer Crispy was scared and kicked the BALL. Tragically, the BALL was impaled by the spear and died before these two young ballplayers’ eyes.
5. When Ballplayer Josh hit the chimney and caused a brick to fall.
6. When Ballplayer Aneesh actively hunted down a BALL like a savage with another spear and proceeded to brandish the carcass to young children next-door.
7. When “we were just playing with a shovel and a BALL and one thing led to another and we had a dead BALL on our hands, sliced deeply by the shovel’s rusty edge.”
8. When the raving leaf blower man desecrated a BALL by blowing it with his leaf blower.
9. When Ballplayer Crispy cared so much for a BALL, and the philosophy of BALL, that he trudged through thorn bushes while simultaneously talking to his mother on the phone, in order to retrieve the BALL. Mom asked him if “he was listening…”
10. When, in absence of BALLs during the BALL drought of 2019, the Ballplayers stumbled upon a miraculous BALL in the middle of the road in the middle of the night. “IS THAT A BALL?!?!?!?”
11. When Ballplayer Sam, in a back brace because of his broken spine, mustered a monumental BALL kick which exploded the beer bottle in Ballplayer Josh’s hand upon contact.
12. The tumultuous BALL found the mountains of northern Vermont. This BALL made a treacherous and trepidatious trip through the mountains that ultimately cost it its life.
13. When bicycle riders threw BALLs at each other while riding as though they are jousting, thereby inventing the sport of BIKE BALL.
CURRENT BALL DEATH COUNT: 8 (that we know of). If you’ve witnessed a ball death, please contact me at wolverton.sherry@surrealtimes.net
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