Mutual Hallucination Ensues
The enigmatic company Deluxe Papa, known primarily for selling server hardware during the dotcom boom, has found success in a new market: vape pods. Deluxe Papa sells pods for many of the most popular vapes, but their pods don’t contain any nicotine. Their new product is marketed under the name Deluxe Papa Mutual H... [Continued]...
Moths from Butterfield Hall attack innocent people on Orchard Hill
I told them this would happen. I told the Chancellor himself I wasn’t capable of managing a goddamned quarantine. But he didn’t listen, both he and those bureaucratic bozos. “You’re the facilities manager, Bill,” they said, “So, do your job. Manage the facilities.”... [Continued]...
Part two
I have claimed myself unworthy of indulging in you. I am but a simple apparatus meant for closing an open leather circuit unto itself- myself. Cursed by some misanthropic creator, we are burdened to experience a lucid monologue without the power of parlance. It is anguish that we feel in ourselves upon recognizing our ... [Continued]...
Quickly Struck Down by God
Amherst, MA -- On Sunday, as churchgoers exited their churches, they saw a scene of destruction all across downtown Amherst. In the middle of the 4-way intersection, they observed a ginormous hippopotamus gnawing on two mopeds and a bicycle like a sandwich.... [Continued]...
In these surreal times, a newspaper is required to document the history currently unfolding. Four doctors of journalism have dedicated themselves to unearthing the truth that lies somewhere beneath the crust of what was formerly perceived. What they and their colleagues discover is conveyed in these stories.
